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Local Celebrity Woodchuck Missing


albino woodchuck
Missing Celebrity Paul(ette) A. Woodchuck, age unknown

In recent days concern has been raised by several parties that the albino woodchuck that normally resides in the area of Elm Street and East Avenue is missing. Following the floods from last week there was widespread concern from the community for the woodchuck's safety, but the woodchuck Paul(ette) appeared to be going about their woodchuck business as per usual.


However, East Ave residents became concerned earlier this week when they'd not seen the town mascot in some time. There have been no confirmed sightings of Paul(ette) A. Woodchuck since late last week. One Andover resident speculated that the woodchuck was "Probably kidnapped. A woodchuck like that is very valuable." Valuable how you might ask? The resident who made that statement has not yet responded to this publications request for clarification.


Have you or anyone you know seen the white woodchuck around town? Perhaps the glare of spotlight of celebrity burned too bright and Paul(ette) relocated to a more secluded area of town. Please keep your eyes open for any clues. If you have any evidence of Paul(ette)'s wellbeing please reach out, as the woodchuck's previous neighbors are very concerned.


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